moved! :)

ask me personally for the url!

i struggled with my weight, like i always do.
emotional eating prevails.
i eat my feelings.
i drop 4kg here, gain 5 kg there.
lose another 2 gain another 3.
its sucha vicious cycle.

i used to be on the heftier side, but felt rather nonchalant about it.
but i start to care when school starts!
no more slouch in shorts and oversize teees like in sec sch

because you like me so much,
it is awesome but scary at the same time.
i dont want to be responsible for your heart,
i dont want to disappoint.

here i am awake. i just cant get to sleep.
everytime i close my eyes,
i get this whole flashback of me waking up on the floor.
with a broken tooth and blood all over.
i cant get it out of my head:(

and i really feel like dying.

no one understands.
and everytime in front of people i try so hard to laugh.
everytime i see photos on fb with everyone smiling, i just wanna tear.
i cant have that darling toothpaste smile chang use to say about my photos.
i cry everynight hoping no one hears.

my throat hurts, my stomach hurts.
eyes red, horrible face.

i rather not had the AD.
i wish i could turn back time.


:(
fml

there are so many places i wanna go! and places i wanna go back again
but so lil time:(
going to NZ with mark and sean sounds really eggggciting!!
its for work, but for us, mainly to tour haha

i hope bali trip works out.
and anyway, the best news i got this week was my results!
i did really well and i feel so proud of myself haha yes esp because the course that im in!
and HAHA IN YOUR FACE! to whoever that has looked down on me the past 3 yrs in poly.

i hoped kenneth had a great time at his party organised.
i got quite pissed with a few. oh well.
BUT I HAD ALOT OF FUN THRASHIN THE GUYS IN L4D2 hahahhahaha
i wish pearlyn was there xxx

yeah and kenneth and ym is right.
i need girlfriends:(
friends i can go have manicures with, to bitch about.
guys take up a very big part of my life since sec one.
but i miss sleepovers, gossip, chickflicks.
but well, what can i say,
the guys ive known for years have never abandoned me,
theyve sticked with me throughout the good and bad times.

time and time again,
i was being ps-ed by one of my best friends. well not one,
a few. and its not worth trying to do anything about it alr.
they dont seem to even be bothered. so argh wtheck.


all i want now is to get into ntu, and shed 5kg more.
and travel with my friends.
then id feel contented.

i dont like this occassional unhappiness.
ocassional surge of feelings that make me feel so blank, so unwanted, dull and boring.
like i dont have a life, or a heart or anything
just sometimes,
i want to be happy.


yeah,
fairytale much

Okay, im finally updating:DDDDDD

nothing much has been happening lately,
but im proud to say ive officially survived engineering for three years,
and im most likely, well hoping, to continue for another few years in uni!
well HOPEFULLY, in NTU. haha

been working back at dso and ntu. work is great, much more slack than attachment.
enjoy yongmeng and sufengs company a hell lot:)
they made working life alot better. well cos half the time i keep making them talk to me.

and im awfully egggggggggggcited about bangkoks trip happening in 2 days time!
for sure there'd be a gazillion photos for me to consolidate and all!

kenneths bday is coming.
that also means results day is coming:(
pray i get a 4 for my gpa pls.
preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettty please with a cheerrrrry on top!
and with that, most likely, i can go to UNI!

i hope bali trip works out in may.
somehow i hope it happens on my birthday, cos i doubt thered be any plans here in sg.
might as well overseas right!

i miss going out, hanging out with friends:(
i feel like a loner now. i feel abandoned.
why isit when someone has found their other halfs, they just isolate the world
and forget they even had friends whom they were once so close to.
or when friends found a new group of friends they just forget abt your existence.
believe me, ive never forgotten mine. thats of cos, if i have, theres a reason.

i try so hard to arrange meetups,
obviously, all has failed.

argggggh. okay enough, positive thoughts!
whole day ive been feeeeeling so loserish ugly fat and whatnots.
i managed to skip dinner without a grumble from my tummy!

HOKAY!
update abt my trip to bangkok sooooon!

i feel sad
but no one will understand.
same thing i guess, im not sucha good listener either.

and im friend-less.

hope for a better weekend before work starts:(

as you know how technology has advanced over the years making communication so much easier and more convenient for people like us. for people who are so busy with what seems important.

Iphone, emails, msn, bbm, and different kinds of application are forms of communication which we all use almost every 5mins to half an hour.
technology brings us closer through words, but drifts us apart physically.
What is xoxo in a text compared to real hugs & kisses,
what's "i love you" without looking at the person's facial expression and body language,
what's a long wordy email of appreciation or gratefulness compared to an embrace or handshake. well yeah, you get my drift.

How good it is to sms your bestfriend "i'll always be there for you"
when you can just be beside her physically lending them your shoulder to cry on
and not whisper a single word. I prefer the latter. Think about it...
would you want the whole world to text you happy birthday
or would you rather just a bunch of close friends to spend quality time with you.

You love a person, you go the extra mile for her.
You don't just sit there type a few strings of words expecting to melt a heart or heal a broken soul.
You go beyond technology, live with the primitive form of transport or communication...
take a bus/cab and show the person you really love him or her
and that they are worth a bus ride, worth your time, worth your physical existence,
definitely worth more than just a sms.

Everything technology can do, we can do but there are still some things we can do, technology can't.
Love is something that technology can't comprehend nor express.


:)